Festivus

Jingle bells, my house smells
Eric has the flu
Oh, what fun it is to hide when germs come out to play. Hey!

Silent night,
Not a kid in sight.
All is calm
There's no fight.
Bathtime's over and jammies are on
Stories are read and lights are out.
Sleep in heavenly peace
Sleep in heavenly peace.

Oh, the weather outside is frightful
But Molly's so delightful!
And since I have four-wheel drive
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

Oops, I did it again!

This post is dedicated to my brother in-law, Eric Selden:

Just when you thought you couldn't be more disappointed in my lack of interest in politics or the fact that Entertainment Tonight is 'the news' and Us Weekly is 'the paper'..... I just shelled out $150 for Britney Spears tickets.....again!

tag

I stole this little game from Lacey's blog. Keep in mind I'm in a stressed out mood right now just killing a few minutes before the doozy of a ward party needs setting up.
Rules: answer each question using only one word. (Very, very difficult for me.)

Where is your cell phone? no idea
Where is your significant other? bed
Your hair? longish
Your mother? strong
Your father? smart
Your favorite thing? tivo
Your dream last night? job
Your dream/goal? calm
The room you're in? kitchen
Your fear? insanity
Where do you want to be in 6 years? beach
Where were you last night? American Fork Junior High School
What you're not? zen
Muffins? blueberry
Where you grew up? Brandon Park
The last thing you did? cook
What are you wearing? jeans
Your TV? friend
Your pet? devil-pooper
Your computer? old
Your life? crazy
Your mood? stressed
Missing someone? no
Your car? new
Something you're not wearing? earrings
Your summer? HAPPY
Love someone? yup
Your favorite color? blue
When is the last time you laughed? today
Last time you cried? Wednesday

You're invited!!

I promise I'm not mad at anyone. I'm not in the witness protection program or hiding from stalkers. (Yes, I was actually asked all those questions.) It was just time to go private and I hadn't updated so I didn't bother to invite anyone. Now you're all invited!! Hurray! Do you feel super exclusive now? Good.

Here's a top ten list of what we've been up to while we've been off the radar:
#1 - I've been in party-planning hell with the ward party. (And I'll probably remain in hell for complaining about it.)
#2 - I got to go see the midnight showing of Twilight with some girlfriends!
#3 - Cameron started reading Twilight. She only got a couple of pages read before I put the kibosh on it.
#4 - Molly had a sugar induced seizure from too much Halloween candy. Oops!
#5 - Adam learned to write his name in perfect mirror image. Miss Mikki assured me that it's perfectly normal.
#6 - Luke got over his fear of Santa Claus and sat on his lap. It is still strange that a child so obsessed with zombies, skeletons and werewolves can be scared of a white-haired little old man....
#7 - Eric suffered great embarrassment when our neighbors decorated our house with U of U signs after the depressing loss of BYU.
#8 - I've been reading a lot of Seriously So Blessed. (And I've been seeing a lot more of myself in that blog than I want to admit...)
#9 - I've read 5 actual books! It's amazing how much free time I've had just giving up the computer for a couple of weeks.
#10 - We all had a very happy Thanksgiving! I am most grateful for the delicious squash I made - it's my favorite. And Luke informed us all over Thanksgiving dinner that he's most grateful for monkeys.

And that's that. Not too much to write home about, huh? If I left someone off the invitation list, let me know and I'll get it updated. We don't want to be TOO exclusive.

More primary bloopers

I might need to make the 'primary bloopers' our new Sunday night special. At church today the kids were making little thank you cards to give to family members they were grateful for. I found Adam's card a few minutes ago. He had colored all over the card but his teacher had written the card for him as he dictated it to her:
"Thank you to Penny and Sally for doing silly tricks and making me laugh."
Keep in mind that our guinea pigs are actually a step down from stuffed animals because they poop. There are no tricks going on what-so-ever in that stinky cage. And we're still pretty sure that Penny is not even a pig but a retarded groundhog. So, Adam, dear child of mine, when you're thinking of people to whom you might want to express gratitude, your chances of going to get a treat at Maverik would totally increase if you would mention the woman who carried TWO BABIES in her womb for 8 months, who prepares and feeds 3 kids several times daily, feeds 3 pets several times a day, who cleans, does laundry, plays endless games of Mickey Mouse vampire. It would do you well to remember your mother.....or Penny and Sally might get fed a little rat poison.....

Good golly Miss Molly!

I know that there are many of you who have been skeptical of my abilities when it comes pet ownership. I would be among the doubters myself. I've always loved dogs. My first dog, Maggie the basset hound, would sleep in my bed with me when I was at my dad's house. Then there was Lily the basset hound, then Bonnie the basset hound. When Eric and I were engaged we got a yellow lab, Kyle. The trouble with these dogs is that I never got to keep them. For one reason or another (not blaming my parents) all these dogs went on to have other owners. So I convinced myself that I am not a pet person. I didn't even like to get cozy with neighbors pets. I was a damaged dog lover destined to never love again.
For the last two years, like a dieter reading cookie labels, I combed the newspaper ads looking at all kinds of dogs. Then it hit me - I have kept three kids alive for a few years now. We're ready for a pet. Not quite a dog, but maybe something small...like a hamster. I could do that!
After Lola the hamster's tragic demise with a hand sanitizer bath (thank you Luke and Adam), I didn't think we were cut out for pets. But a couple of months later we decided to try again with a guinea pig, Penny.
Penny seemed like a good pet for the stay-in-a-cage variety. But after a couple of months it became obvious that something was a little off. First of all, she never makes any noise at all. Second, she doesn't really move either. You could take her out of her cage, set her in the middle of the room, go to church, come home and she'd still be in the exact same place. As my brother in-law would say, "she's not a guinea pig, she's a retarded groundhog!" In Penny's defense, I'm sure it was my kids that made her the way she is. At one point, I was trying to convince myself that my kids hadn't given Penny shaken pig syndrome and that maybe she was lonely.....so we got Sally.
Sally is the polar opposite of Penny. She will whistle when you walk into the room or if she wants food. And when they're out of water, she'll bang that water bottle against the cage over and over and over and over till you get them more water. Sally will laugh when you tickle her, which kind of sounds like a cat purring. Sally has enough personality to make up for Penny's lack thereof.
(Stay with me, I'm going to make a point eventually.) Other than Penny's probable brain damage, we have kept the guinea pigs alive and quite happy for several months.
My confidence was up the weekend we finally got Molly the wiener dog. We are now a three pet family! Other than a trip to the vet yesterday for a sugar-induced seizure (who knew dogs aren't supposed to eat Halloween candy?), all is well. Molly is crate trained and puts up with a lot of craziness with the kids and me mauling her. I feel like our family is entering a new stage. It's exciting.
And I will tell you that dogs are much easier to potty train than little boys!

Primary Bloopers

This year the primary children have been learning "Called to Serve".
The acutal words are 'called to serve Him, Heavenly King of Glory'
Adam has been singing: "Called to service every time the phone rings."

They've also been studying the Word of Wisdom. Their teacher was going over things that can be harmful to our bodies when Luke raised his hand and said, very self-righteously, "I don't drink coffee but my brother does."

Cameron is 6

Last Friday Cameron turned six! She finally got the American Girl doll that she's been wanting for months. Here are six little facts about Cam:

1. She's a leader. (That's mommy-code for bossy.)
2. She has a very vivid imagination and is always getting her friends and brothers and sucker parents to join in playing games (where the rules always change to benefit 6 year-old girls).
3. She loves dogs. All of her best friends have dogs and she'll go to their houses just to see their dogs. I'm sure the neighbors are all glad that we now have our own.
4. Cameron is smart as a whip! We're not sure where her genius comes from but we'll take it!
5. Cameron has a natural curiosity about EVERYTHING. She wants to know how things work (like your lungs and heart, as if I know) and where things come from (has yet to ask about babies, thank heavens).
6. Maybe it's part of her curiosity, but she's always willing to try anything. She's taken dance, piano, gymnastics, t-ball, swimming, cooking and choir. She doesn't particularly excel at any of these activities but it doesn't seem to dampen her eagerness to do it all!
7. Cameron is a happy, energetic kid!

I know I said I'd only do six, but there's one to grow on. We love you Cameron!!

Hot diggity dog!

Meet Molly. Apparently I haven't had enough fun potty training my boys during the last couple of years so I thought I'd add a dog to the mix. The nice thing is that you can put a dog in a kennel and leave it home for a couple hours. Hmmmm, I wonder if they sell kennels big enough for four year-old little boys.......

Little Vandal

Interpretation: Bus Driver, I'm sorry. I won't write on the window again. I promise. From, Cameron

I'm raising a little vandal. Cameron and her friend (who will remain anonymous to protect her identity) took a Sharpie and signed their names on a window on the school bus today.

Seriously. Signed her own name. Couldn't she learn to sign someone else's name?

Autumn

Cameron: "I love autumn!!"

Adam: "I am ADAM not AUTUMN!"

Cameron: "No Adam, I'm saying Autumn, not Adam."

Adam (screaming): "ADAM! ADAM! ADAM!!!"

We went up in the mountains today to see all the leaves. We hiked around a little bit and enjoyed being outside with out baking or freezing.

For the life of me I can't get all three to look at the camera at the same time.

Everyone wants to ride on Dad's shoulders. (And cries when it's not their turn.)

The boys found a 'stage' and performed an Indian dance for us and some passers-by.

I am fantastic

I have fallen off the blogging bandwagon. In an effort to not be my typical, complaining self, I'm going to brag all about me!! Isn't that what this whole blogging thing is about anyway? Here is a little list of the things I have done this week:

• Painted the basement (by myself)
• Rearranged all the basement furniture (with Eric's help)
• Took all the kids' toys away (go ahead, call me Mommy Dearest)
• Installed two new light fixtures (by myself)
• Used actual coupons at a grocery store (with help from my friend)
• Purchased and installed 3 sets of blinds (by myself)
• Replaced the thermocoupling on the water heater (BY MYSELF)

So I might not have dinner on the table every night by 6:00 sharp and my house might occasionally smell like guinea pig and I will eventually be mother to the only un-potty trained kids on the block, but I am one handy lady!

Yesterday we got to go to Heber to ride the Heber Creeper with Grandpa Bob and his girlfriend, Glennie. It was such a great autumn day with all the leaves just starting to change. At one point Cameron turned and said, "This is the best day of my life!" Just knowing that made it a great day for me too. Here are some cute pictures of the train ride.

Cameron was thrilled to have a whole seat to herself

Adam fell asleep on Grandpa's lap
We wished Luke would have fallen asleep.

We had to keep him in a head lock to keep him still.

Boys enjoying the scenery

It's the most wonderful time of the year

It's the hap-happiest season of all!

Major change in life-plans

There was a very serious conversation going on at our house last night. Emotions are always high when discussing life and career changes and last night was no exception.
Adam: "Well, Luke, I'm going to work at Disneyland and be Mickey Mouse so I can shake every one's hands."
Luke: "I'm going to work at SeaWorld. I want to be a shark and swim in that big tank where people walk under it."
Adam: "No. I think you should work at Disneyland and work in the Lightning McQueen store where you can get lots of toys."

What could be better news than that? I'm going to the bank today to cash out their college funds!

Photo tag

I was tagged by my good friend Kim Little to do a fun little post. Its a photo questionnaire. I may have just had a little too much fun....

#1 Self Portrait
Please excuse the rags I'm wearing! How embarrassing to be caught on such a bad hair day!




















#2 What My Kids Are Doing Today

After the little angels finished up the laundry, they shared some quality time together pouring over the pages of Harry Potter.

#3 My Fridge
By the looks of my fridge, I'd say my personal chef will have a delicious, healthy meal on the table tonight.

#4 My Kitchen Sink
I guess my secret is out that I grow my own herbs for the chef to use.
















#5 My Favorite Shoes
I love them because they go with everything from the pool to the neighborhood barbecue.

















#6 My Favorite Room in the House
Just so cozy.



#7 Dream Vacation
Honestly, with all this fabulousness in my life, who needs a vacation? My life is an everyday vacation!

#8 Bathroom
I really should have tidied up a bit before taking pictures. Pay no mind to the 'clutter'. I always feel it is important to have fresh flowers on the vanity just to start the day off right.

















#9 The Room I Spend the Most Time In
The kitchen really is the heart of our home. Whether we're sitting down to our chef-prepared meal or helping the kids whip up a tasty after-school snack, we just love being together in our humble kitchen.

Hefty dose of reality

#1 Self Portrait
I think my forehead is getting bigger as the years go by.


#2 What the Kids Are Doing
This morning, they were making blueberry muffins for breakfast. You can be sure they won't be doing any laundry, cleaning or anything productive. Mostly they just make really good messes.



#3 The Fridge
I'd like to blame the mess in the fridge on the kids, but I guess it's my own. Looks like dino chicken nuggets and mac & cheese for dinner again! Wahoo!


#4 The Kitchen Sink
In my defense, this is the post-muffin making sink. Usually it's pretty clean.

#5 Favorite Shoes


Just chalk it up there with things I swore I'd never buy before I actually had kids. As a mom, do you find yourself eating your words faster than you can speak them?




#6 Favorite Room in the House

It's too small to have a formal living room, so I turned it into my library. I'm not sure what I like more about it, being surrounded by my books or the lack of anything Lightning McQueen or High School Musical.


#7 Dream Vacation
I don't think you need an actual picture to imagine a beach somewhere with Eric and I drinking big, fat Diet Cokes and working on a nice sunburn.



#8 Bathroom
Eric has never liked our guest bathroom. But I do. I wasn't even shopping for a shower curtain when I found that one and LOVED it. I could not care less that nobody else likes it because I DO!

#9 The Room I Spend the Most Time In

Cleaning this kitchen is much like scrubbing the deck of a sinking ship. Why bother? But I guess I'm the captain going down with this ship because I seem to spend countless hours vacuuming, scrubbing, organizing, reorganizing, loading and unloading dishes. That's why you see the computer, water bottle and headphones on the table. This is my 'office'. Pretty fancy huh?

I guess all my secrets are out. No chef and lots of tacky character clothes. This was a fun post. Thanks so much Kim! I'm tagging everyone who would like to play along.

The Hills and black nail polish

If my nails are painted black, you know I've been watching The Hills! I didn't realize I was so see-through till my friend, Kayley, pointed it out today. Even though it's totally contrived and scripted, The Hills remains my favorite reality tv indulgence! I was so excited for the premiere last night. Every Monday night I get my M&M's, Diet Coke and black nail polish and I'm all set for my Hills watching. What can I say, I'm a glutton for crappy tv.

Sleepwalker

At about 2:00 am this morning I heard Cameron in the bathroom. She doesn't usually get up in the night so I decided to investigate. I found her sitting on the edge of the bathtub with undies around her ankles and her nightgown up around her waist. I asked her what she was doing and she just stared right through me. She was dead asleep with her eyes wide open and peeing in the bathtub!
There is truly no rest for the potty training weary.

Oh crap

Crap. Literally. I've had it up to my eyeballs with with wet and otherwise messy pants. I've been working on this potty training business with the boys for 16 months. Don't believe me? Do the math - since May 2007. I might as well count it as 32 months of potty training because there are two of them!
These darn boys will do fine and not have an accident for a couple of months then out of the blue, completely regress. It goes back and forth between who is able and who....isn't. Lately, it's Adam who is peeing his pants five or six times a day. I figure why put on dry clothes when they're just going to be wet again in five minutes? But then who wants to be around the wet, smelly kid? (Not to mention that having your kid wear soiled clothes is probably a form of child abuse.) Anyway, I've been very lazy for the last month or so with the whole process. In my defense, I needed to lower my blood pressure for a while to avoid potty-accident-cardiac-arrest.
Starting yesterday, I've stepped it up a notch. The new rule is that if you 'go' anywhere other than a toilet, you get a cold shower. Freezing cold. The coldest water my house has to offer. I thought it would just take a time or two and problem solved. I'm not sure if the joke is on me or them.....you could safely (and correctly) assume that I have the cleanest kids on the block now. Adam got two cold showers yesterday and four today. Luke got three showers today. My own hands are raw and smell like Lever 2000.
I normally don't solicit parenting advice (because I like to think I know what's best for my kids better than anyone else does), but I am BEGGING for any morsel of potty training wisdom! Please help me! What do I do now? Am I scarring my kids for life? Am I not being harsh enough? And how in the crap (pun intended) do I know the difference?

Carlos Junior

Cameron: "Hey mom, can we go to Carlos Junior for lunch today?"

Has she been watching Telemundo??? I'm pretty sure it's Carl's Junior, not Carlos.

happy working song

Come my little friends
As we all sing a happy little working song
Merry little voices clear and strong
Come and roll your sleeves up
So that we can pitch in
Cleaning crud up in the kitchen
As we sing along
And you’ll trill a cheery tune in the tub
As we scrub a stubborn mildew stain
Lug a hairball from the shower drain
To the gay refrain of a happy working song
We’ll keep singing without fail
Otherwise we’d spoil it
Hosing down the garbage pail
And scrubbing up the toilet
How we all enjoy letting loose with a little La-da-da-dum-dum
While we’re emptying the vacu-um
It’s such fun to hum
A happy working song
You could do a lot when you got
Such a happy little tune to hum
While you’re sponging up the soapy scum
We adore each filthy chore
That we determine
So friends even though you’re vermin
We’re a happy working song
Singing as we fetch the detergent box
Or the smelly shirts and the stinky socks
Sing along If you cannot sing then hum along
As we’re finishing our happy working song!
Ah...wasn’t this fun?

I know you're all wondering if I live my life in a movie. Or many movies to be exact. This is the best song from Enchanted and the great thing is that this song has gotten my kids to excited to 'scrub a stubborn mildew stain'. Yesterday my dad took my boys shopping for a belated birthday present and they both choose a double pack of sponges. Yup, cleaning sponges.
I guess I shouldn't have been too shocked when I walked around the corner and found the boys and a couple of friends on their hands and knees with soap and water scrubbing the wood floors in the hallway. But alas, my boys still shock the heck out of me.
Then today I was headed out to Target to pick up a few things and Luke requested that I bring him a treat. The treat he wanted was a broom. It's amazing to me that two boys so obsessed with cleaning supplies can be such a mess.

You remind me of the babe

If the title of this blog doesn't sound familiar, read on!
The boys were playing at a friend's house the other day when the friend's mom called me:
Other mom: "Adam is ready to come home. He says he needs to go get 'score fried'."
Me: "Huh?"
Other mom: "Maybe he said 'core spied'."
Me: "What?"
Other mom: "I couldn't really understand what he was talking about. I swear he said 'more cried' or something. Anyway, he's coming home."
Me: "Um....Okay."
When he got home continued to go on and on about 'coarse tied'. What the crap is he talking about???? After a lengthy questioning I figured out that he wanted CORPSE BRIDE. He saw a preview for it and wanted to go to Target to get it.
While at Target searching for the Corpse Bride, I found one of my all-time favorite movies. The Labyrinth!!! As far as I'm concerned, Corpse Bride is for the birds. David Bowie and the Labyrinth is where it's at! The kids love it too. I think I've watched the Dance Magic scene about thirty times already. I am a true child of the 80's.
"Goblin King, Goblin King, wherever you may be - take this child far away from me!!!" How many times have you used that line when your kids are driving you nuts?
If you don't know this movie, you are really missing out! It's like the Muppets meet the Grimlins and then you throw in David Bowie. Is there a better combination than that??

Halloween in July

Nothing stresses me out like throwing a birthday party for my kids. But last night's Halloween birthday bash went off without a hitch. You're probably dying to know what it takes to throw a Halloween birthday party in July, so I'll tell you: 30 mummy hot dogs, 24 spider cupcakes, 18 little kids, 2 birthday boys, 1 shark cake, 1 Jack (Nightmare Before Christmas) cake, 6 tons of wrapping paper, 5 packages of fake spider webs, 1 twenty foot spider, 2 inflatable jack-o-lanterns, 6 liters of root beer witches brew and I probably could have used about 30 milligrams of Valium, but didn't. It was a good time kids and parents alike. Here are some pictures of the festivities:

Happy Birthday Spooky Lukie!

To celebrate Luke's fourth birthday, here are four things about him:

1. "Whas what?" This is Luke's famous saying. He means to say guess what. He'll say it over and over and over getting increasingly angry until I finally look directly at him.

2. Luke loves Lightning McQeen and sharks. He has latched on and I don't see him ever letting these go.

3. Luke is intense. He can be pretty sullen, timid and downright shy with people he doesn't know well. UNLESS (and this is a big unless) he is egged on by Adam. Then it's like two Tasmanian devils on the loose. Heaven help us all.

4. Luke loves his gibbie. Gibbie is his blanket that looks more like a disheveled rag. He has a special, unraveled corner that he twirls as he's going to sleep.

We sure love you Luke and we're happy that you came to our family!

Happy Birthday Ad Man!

To celebrate Adam's fourth birthday on the blog, I thought I would share four things about Adam:
1. Adam is happy. He was colicky for the first five or six months of his life, but as soon as that phase was over he became his happy-go-lucky self. Eric and I joke that he has sunshine coming out of his ears. When he smiles his eyes twinkle! He goes to sleep laughing, sometimes even laughs in his sleep and wakes up laughing.

2. Adam's head has it's own gravitational pull. There is ALWAYS a bruise, cut, scrape or goose egg present on his noggin somewhere. A couple of months ago I was playing indoor soccer (impressive I know) with the ladies from church when a stray soccer ball went flying through the air towards the crowd watching the game. Even though there probably close to 40 kids and dads in that crowd, as soon as I saw the ball I knew it was going to hit Adam's head. And sure enough....
3. Adam is a joker. He has a funny personality and likes to trick us all the time. If Adam does something naughty he'll look at me and say, "I'm just jokin' Mom."
4. Adam loves all things spooky. When we took the kids to Disneyland he wouldn't go near the "mascots" (that's what he calls anything in life size costume), but he was so excited about the Haunted Mansion. Go figure!

Driveway of Flames 2008

Some Utah County residents go to Stadium of Fire to see Miley Cyrus and Blue Man Group. No Stadium of Fire for us. We are all about the annual Driveway of Flames. We get together with our neighbors and put on our own show.

Lizzy and Cameron

Jenna is really excited about smoke bombs!

Julie (Lizzy's mom) and me enjoying the view from the driveway

Heidi, Debbie, Kayley, Julie, Laurie, Jenna and Erika

(the desperate housewives of Heatherfield Lane)

Budding pyromaniacs Tyler, Luke and Adam

Roasting marshmallows for s'mores in Kayleys backyard. Luke insists that we didn't make s'mores, we made marshmallow sandwiches with graham crackers, chocolate and marshmallows.

A wheelbarrow of used up fireworks.

Then on the actual morning of the 4th, we went to Provo at 6:00 in the morning to watch the balloon launch. It was a VERY early morning to be up, packed and out the door by 5:45 am.
Adam, Luke and Riley waiting and waiting for the hot air balloons to take off.
Still waiting and not getting any happier....
"Will these balloons just freaking get out of here so we can get some breakfast??"
Finally! And then we were off to start the hell that was breakfast at IHOP on a holiday. I'm just glad that I'm off the hook for another year.